Summary of Article
The Goal Families Thriving & Shaytan is out of a job
The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that each of you are a shepherd of your flock. The husband is the leader of his wife. The mother is the leader of her children. When we each take on our roles given to us by Allah swt, our families thrive.
The Problem We were not taught to lead our families growing up.
The Impact Unable to step into our God-given roles
– Husbands and Mothers don’t feel confident as leaders
– They feel overwhelmed by the responsibility
– They go to extremes of dictatorship or letting go of leading completely
– They have not been taught how to lead in such a way that others follow out of love and respect, not fear or control. Yet every leader wants to be followed out of love and respect.
The Results The family structure breaks down
– Husbands are not leading, their wives are and the husband gives up
– Mothers are not leading, their children are and the mother gives up
– Husbands and Mothers are leading but their followers are not following and doing what they want instead.
The Solution Leadership Training
I work with Muslim Working Mothers because Mothers are in a unique position in their family, she has a role in each relationship;
– She is the flock of her husband
– She is the shepherd of her children
– She is the main influencer in her home when she learns how to have impact
– She is the leader of the next generation of leaders
Imagine the unimaginable
– When she unlocks her best self
– When she learns how to lead her children and is followed out of love and respect
– When she learn how to help unlock the leader within her husband
– When she raises her children to know how to lead their families one day
– Mothers becoming the glue that holds the Muslim Ummah together
….it is no wonder why women have such a high status in Islam. She is super powerful, she just doesn’t know it yet….
So that’s what I do, that’s why my leadership training is the most valuable thing a Mother and a Wife can do to save herself and her family.
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire” (Quran 66:6)
Join my Free Masterclass for Muslim Working Mothers (link in the photo) where I share the 3 biggest leadership mistakes Muslim Mothers are making and details of how I can help you in my upcoming Leadership Training Program.
FULL ARTICLE
Why is it that so many Muslim women complain that their husbands are not leading their families anymore, they are absent in the home life and leaving his wife to it. At the same time, these Muslim working mothers are also struggling with their children not listening to them.
So today I want to share with you what is the actual reason we are seeing so many Muslim families break down because the husbands are not leading his family and the children are not listening to their parents. Understanding why this is happening in so many homes is going to be key to helping you resolve it. So if you’re finding yourself as a Muslim Working Mother in this situation then this article will show you what is really happening here so you can save your family.
Both of these huge issues of husbands not leading and children not listening are caused by the same root cause and both massively impact one another, each making the marriage and parenting challenges worse. So if you’re struggling with both of these issues, then you’re probably having lots of conflict and frustration in your home and you’re probably suffering from exhaustion and burnout a lot.
The goal for all of us is to help our families thrive.
The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that each of you are a shepherd of your flock. The husband is the leader of his wife. The mother is the leader of her children. When we each take on our roles given to us by Allah swt, our families thrive.
The problem is that we were not taught to lead our families growing up,
Husbands were not taught how to lead their wives so she follows his lead, respects his leadership, know how to be a provider, many didn’t learn how to make money and manage money or balance the needs of his family with his wife’s needs. This causes so many husbands in today’s society to struggle to lead their families despite having tried their best to make it work and not understanding why it’s not working out how he hoped.
Similarly, mothers were not taught how to lead their children in a way where her children follow her out of love and respect. It is so easy to fall into the illusion of shouting and harshness to get out children to listen to us but that soon backfires and the mother is struggling to lead her flock because she wasn’t taught how to lead her children.
Most parents now and in the past, focus on teaching children how to study academically to get a job, how to read Quran and pray, and how to do housework and cook. But how many parents teach their children how to lead their families one day? How to be a leader. Yet Allah swt make every one of us a leader, a shepherd but we were not taught how to lead.
Our parents did their best with what they knew, may Allah swt have mercy on them. Even we are trying are best, but now we have something different available to us, we have the opportunity to learn the leadership lessons that we need to lead our families. Corporate Leadership training is definitely not the same as leading children.
Without learning this, what happens is that most leaders, be it husbands or mothers, end up trying to lead with fear and control as their tool. Fear of punishment, fear that I’ll be unhappy with you, fear of humiliation and shame, fear of confiscation (especially in parenting) or fear of withdrawing our affection, Fear is used to control. Control is in the form of just do and don’t question what I say. But fear and control only works so long before your flock stops fearing (because they’ve got used to and immune to your consequences) and control does not work long-term because in the end, everyone takes back control over their own lives, be it wives, or children.
The impact of not learning how to lead our families is that Husbands and Mothers feel unable to step into our God-given roles.
They don’t feel confident as leaders. If I asked you as a mother, do you feel confident to lead your children? Do you feel like they’re following you out of love and respect? Or because they fear you and feel what you’ll do or take away so they listen because they have no choice. Do you feel like a leader of your flock, knowing how to get the best out of them and knowing how to lead them to success? Unless you’ve had the sort of leadership training growing up from your parents or teachers, I’m guessing the answer is now (unless you’re one of my clients listening to this:))
Equally. Do husbands feel confident to provide for their family? Lead their wives, knowing that she trusts him and respects him and believes in him? Do fathers lead their children, knowing that they respect him and will take his guidance? Do husbands feel confident as leaders of their homes? Most don’t. Most feel overwhelmed when they realise that fear and control and blind following does not work with your family. Your flock are rebelling or going behind your back. Most mothers and husbands feel overwhelmed by their responsibility. They lose confidence, doubt their ability and feel unable to do their role.
Blame and Criticism Sets In
Husbands seeing mothers struggle might criticise her for losing her temper and tell her just to be patient but that makes her feel misunderstood, unappreciated and like she’s failing, confirming her own fears, because she knows she shouldn’t be losing her temper.
Wives seeing their husband not stepping into their roles, start off supportive, helping him with the finances or taking over all responsibilities in the house but then as she starts to take on more and more, gets more and more exhausted and is unable to find time for herself, her spiritual, emotional and physical needs are unmet.
Burnt out and exhausted, support turns into resentment, and she loses respect for him because he is not acting like a man. For her, he is now like another child in the home. She feels she has to to do everything herself, and wonders what’s the point in him being here, he is not adding any value.
Avoiding the Problem
The more the husband and wife disconnect, the more of a failure he feels. He starts to give up unsure why his efforts are not enough, feeling unappreciated because at least he is trying and starts busying himself at work, at the mosque, in the community, on his phone. Just escaping the reality that he feels like his failing his family life.
Even so many of my clients before we started working together were focusing almost all of their energy on their professional success because they found it easier than their home life. When they are home with their children, they would tell me that they spent hours in the evenings distracting themselves on their phones. Things would get done. The routines would be done. But they were not leading their children the way they wanted to, nurturing them, giving them quality time. That’s hard to do when your children are always challenging you, they don’t listen and are unappreciative of how much you do.
In the end, the mother ends up walking on eggshells around her children, because she just doesn’t want any more stress or chaos in her life. She gives into what they want for an easy life. She does everything herself because its easier than asking for help. She focuses on just getting her children to the age where they are an adult and has given up on trying to bring out the best in her children because she doesn’t know where to start with that. She’s dealing with so many things, it too much.
The root cause of the problem
So the impact of all of this is that the husband gives up leading, often blaming his wife for not listening to him and not respecting him. The mother gives up on leading to, also blaming the children because they don’t listen to and respect her.
Do you see the pattern here my sister? Do you see what is happening if we take away all the blame?
This is not because a Husband doesn’t want to lead or a Mother doesn’t want to lead her children. They both want their family life to succeed and thrive.
They just don’t know why despite their best efforts, its not working. Nothing they are doing is working. Nothing they do seems good enough. ‘This is too much. I can’t do it’ they think. And eventually, they give up. Most give up and live as broken families within the same home but this is not the example that we want to give our children, we want them to see a healthy example of family life and how husbands and mothers lead their flock.
The Solution
For our families to thrive, the husband has to step up into his leadership role knowing how to lead so he is followed. The mother has to step up into her leadership role knowing how to lead so she is followed. If each takes on their role given to them by Allah swt their family will thrive.
So that’s where we want to get to that, where we’re each able to do our role. When I ask the successful working mothers who come to work with me, who is spreading herself so thinly and burning out, if she wants to continue working like that, almost all say no.
They want a Happy Home, they want financial security, they want to work and succeed professionally but not to the extent that they don’t have time and energy for their children. But unless the husband is leading, she struggles to let go of doing everything and feels she has no choice but to carry the family.
This is a very common situation most Muslim Working Mothers find themselves in. They feel stuck and don’t know how to change it. They want to leave but they don’t want to break up their family. But they struggle because even if they keep their family together in the same physical home, inside everyone is emotionally disconnected and no one is happy.
So if you’re reading this and your situation is like those of so many of my clients, I want you to know you’re not alone, its a societal wide problem that we’re facing today. It’s not because you’re not good enough or that your husband can’t change.
As soon as you and your husband learns to lead within your home, you will see all of these issues will disappear. But of course, how do you convince your husband to take a leadership course when he blames you for the problem? Don’t worry you don’t have to.
The Mother’s Superpower to Create a Happy Home
I work with Muslim Working Mothers because they have a very special position in the home. They have a role in both of those relationships. Not only is she the flock of her husband but she’s also the shepherd of her children. You can change any relationship that you have a part in so if she changes her marriage dynamics and her parenting dynamics, she changes her whole family. With that she has the ability to influence her whole household without anyone else getting professional help.
Not only that, she is the leader of the next generation of leaders. If she goes on and teachers her children how to lead their families one day, she has just changed generations to come and broken the generation cycle we’ve all found ourselves in today, not having been taught how to lead our families.
As she learns how to nurture her children to become leaders of their lives and their future family, she learns how to subtly do the same with her husband. She helps unlocks the leader within, without making him feel bad for his shortcomings but by changing herself that brings about change in her condition, meaning she changes the dynamics of her relationship.
Allah swt tells us in the Quran, Allah will not change our condition until we change ourselves (13:11) Now she leads her children and her husband starts to lead his family. All because the mother made the decision to save her family and not wait around on others to do what they should be doing.
This is why my sister you can’t wait around for others to change. Why blaming your husband for not being man enough or blaming your children for being bad children is making things worse because it’s just further disconnecting your family. This is also why doing everything yourself is just a short-term delay to the inevitable breakdown of your family how long can you carry this level of pressure. You want it to thrive and succeed and teach your children how to do the same in their lives.
That is why my sister, my leadership training is the most valuable thing that you, as a mother and the wife can do to save yourself and save your family. Because Allah swt tells us in the Quran ‘oh, you who believes protect yourself and protect your families from a fire. (6:66)
Leadership Training for Muslim Working Mothers
Step 1: Join My Free Masterclass
I’m running a free masterclass at the beginning of January 2024. Over three short daily sessions, I’ll be helping you see what leadership mistakes Muslim Working Mothers are making that is sabotaging their parenting so you can be aware of what is causing you the parenting challenges you’re having.
This masterclass will also take you through the Parenting and Relationship Blueprint I use to help my clients with to create their happy home on my happy home program.
In the Happy Home program which is my paid program, I train my clients on how to lead themselves first and foremost to take control of their emotions and their minds, then how to lead to lead their children to success, and how to nurture the leaders in their husbands and children. Now they have a happy home and the family has been turned around in just a year alhamdullilah.
If you love the free masterclass, which I know you will, you will know that you will love my happy home program and how you will get the results you want.
Step 2: Join my Happy Home paid Program
If after the masterclass, you’re ready to come and work with me, don’t worry you won’t have to wait any longer. I’ll be opening enrolment for you to join the Happy Home Program in the same week as the masterclass. You can jump straight onto the program and start transforming your family, unlock your superpower in your home to lead your family to success. It’s going to be the best decision you’ll ever make.
So go and REGISTER for the free masterclass at www.happyhomecoaching.com/blueprint today as spaces are limited AND
GET READY to join me on the Happy Home program, because 2024 sister is the year you create your Happy Home inshaa Allah. The link to the Happy Home Program, the leadership program for Muslim Working Mothers is www.happyhomecoaching.com/transformation.
I look forward to helping you create your most amazing life inshaa Allah.
