Most mothers I speak to tell me they struggle to find time to play and connect with their children. That is because most of us fall into the Ultimate Parent Trap: I’ll spend time with you when……
– When I finish the housework
– When I finish cooking the dinner
– When I finish this phone call
– When I get a few more jobs done
– When I get a chance to relax
– When I am a better parent….or when you are a better child (this one is unsaid of course:)
What happens when you are finally ready? Its bedtime!
What happens when you’re completely ready with nothing else to do? Your children are no longer looking for you. They are grown up or they have found someone or something else that fulfils that space for them.
Can you relate to this?
Have you fallen into the Ultimate Parent Trap?
For mothers, it’s often the case where ‘I need to finish my to-do list and then I’ll be relaxed and ready to spend time with you’ and for fathers, it’s ‘I can’t spend time with you right now because I’m busy getting everything that you need for you’.
The truth is your children need you and only you. They don’t need a clean house and a fabulous cooked meal and your to-do list cleared or you to earn them a private education before you can spend time with them. In fact, all of these things mean nothing to your children unless they have you too.
You still have those jobs to do, but maybe by reading this, you will find it easier to prioritise time for your child above other jobs. In fact, we often see parenting as another job to do. But it is far from that.
We often parent from the mindset that we are here to raise our children, but how would things change if we parented from the mindset that our children are here to raise us in jannah.
But the worse part is yet to come. By the time parents FINALLY get time to spend with their children, they focus on trying to ‘fix’ their children instead of enjoying them.
The pleasure for our child turns to pain as they have to endure our endless lectures. How awful for our child who waits so long to get our attention, only to be reminded of their shortcomings?
This is what most frequently leads to the disconnection between parent and child.
As parents, we want to help our child where they struggle and we have tried to explain it to them in a hundred different ways, but still, however hard we try, we feel that the disconnection between you grows.
This is the Ultimate, Ultimate Parent Trap – you finally getting round to spending time with your child but then during that time you push your child further from you.
If you have fallen in the Ultimate Parent Trap and want OUT, then join my Happy Home Facebook group where I will be sharing daily Golden Nuggets and offering coaching support to transform your parenting and take your connection with your children to new heights ان شاء الله.
Here’s the link to join the Facebook Group